Far Away From Home

每一個地方都有一個「未去過這裡即未到過此地」，而今站的西安就是「未去過兵馬俑即未去過陜西」。當然，兵馬俑的數條坑是重要，但是既然經過，就順道去看一下以前楊貴紀用過的破爛洗手間：「華清池」。

百忙之際，老細刮來一筆錢給本人既小隊遊埠。就這樣，小隊一團人就由上海飛往西安。今次行程完全是旅行團包辦，感覺是「非同凡響」！今次是我去過在中國裡頭最西的地方。

這裡就是兵馬俑了，下面的一個個人就是響當當的兵馬俑了，日積月累，顏色都沒有了。

「嘩！」的一聲，是我以為應該這樣的反應，但看完後，我就沒有感覺特別震憾，但總算看過了。似乎於我而言沒有太大吸引力，反而想起為甚麼這麼多人對著一個暴君又不停的捐錢，才是奇怪。而且，對於一個愛讀書的我，他當年焚書坑儒，若果我有一枝槍，又見到秦始皇，肯定「做低」佢。真是到此一遊。

楊玉環的洗手間 「華清池」就好看多了，雖然外頭的建築都是後來建造的假物，但總算讓人看到以前的浴室是何等先進。

鄧鄧鄧鄧！有請，華清池的主池，以前楊貴紀的浴缸也。

不要和自己家裡的浴室來對比，因為我就是這樣突然覺得好像是付錢來看破浴室而己，看上去和超平超假露天浴室無異，超級掃興。當然，平心而論，雖則石頭造而已，但當時來說已經是很先進的了，有簡單的水壓設計，又有專人服侍，我自己的都沒有這麼先進。算是不錯了吧！

看完後，是不是覺得家裡的浴室還不錯呢？

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做低 - 把一個人拿下來，即殺死他。

「做」一部 ATM（自動櫃員機），並唔係「造」一部 ATM。若果你以為做一部人肉 ATM 係好難，我可以話你聽，你大錯特錯喇。尤其係當你身份係一位「老外」，即係我地叫既「鬼佬」，你想唔做一部 ATM 都幾難。

好多港澳人，一見到啲鬼佬，對佢地特別客氣，非常之慇勤，主動且笑容滿面，往往自動黏埋佢地度，以為神仙下凡，識法術幫人一樣，好崇洋架。

中國生意人，一見到啲老外，對佢地特別客氣，非常之慇勤，主動且笑容滿面，往往自動黏埋佢地度，認為財神下凡，識法術派錢一樣，比我地更更更更加崇洋！

今日，我就同一位老外去驗證一下。話說一位唔咸唔淡既普通話澳門人，同一位純正白種美國有錢外貌上年紀人仕，一齊走到藥房度：

店員：「What do you want?」

唔好話中國唔國際化，平民都識講英文！好明顯有錢係唔係我，所以佢開口就講英文喇。

老外：「Ask her what is the cost of Viagra.」
我：「偉哥多少塊錢呢？」
店員：「1200塊30片。」
我：「Viagra is 1200 for 30。」
老外：「Umm, 4 times the price in the States. How about Cialis?」
我：「那這瓶多少塊錢？」
店員：「600塊10片。」
我：「Cialis is 600 for 10.」

我地走時，店員不忘敬業樂業既精神：

店員：「We can be cheaper! What do you need?」

呢啲例子，中國裡頭多不勝數。最後，老外又再補多句：

「You know why I am treated this way often? Precisely I’m white, and I like being an ATM.」

做有錢人，人人都想，最少都想做一日有錢人，正如我地有「一日皇帝」既豪華享受。若果你生為中國人又身在中國，短期內又無機會去別國旅遊，但又想試下做 ATM，大可放心，只要你衣著光鮮，搵返一大堆乞依，你都可以一嘗做有錢人既滋味架！

There is an informal poll on Transparency International, home of the international non-governmental organization addressing corruption. Of course, I took my vote to get some numbers, and saw the results :

Results

Note: Transparency International online Polls are not statistically valid representations of our website users nor intend to guide or represent public opinion in any way.

In your view, how corrupt is your country?

Extremely	50% Votes: 2209
Somewhat	24% Votes: 1062
Not very	16% Votes: 708
Not at all	9% Votes: 413

4404 total votes

That is a surprisingly a lot : 25% for “not at all” and “not very” together. Bribery is improved when I find that it is harder to buy car licenses in Shanghai. For instance, car license exams, computers take over places where human corruption is more likely, and you cannot bribe computers easily when the testers have no control but press a “Start” button. Anyway, it is still not too hard to do so in nearby provinces like ZheJiang (浙江), and bribery still takes place from places down from schools up to police institutions, and much worse. These are common folks knowledge, ask them and they can tell you with vivid descriptions and examples.

Don’t take the above poll results for granted, of course. You never know who’s behind the votes. We might have some *cough* *cough* spies *cough* *shrugs*…

Anyway, a snapshot of the 2008 CPI index.

I love the fact that there is improvement in China on corruption, but seriously we need event more improvement. I wonder, if that fundamentally flawed “inspection exemption” is just a production of bribery and corruption?

China, can you still proceed further so much on the corruption model?

好日唔煮飯，一煮就出事。

話說本人咁岩有時間，就不如今晚簡簡單單煮返幾味。去家樂福買咗兩罐午餐肉，就叫我朋友準備下切下野，我就做最難嗰部份 ： 煮！

煮完喇，擺晒啲餸餸菜菜上檯，幾世無睇動畫，好，去片！

點知一咬落去塊午餐肉度，就賴野！依？唔通我又做錯野？唔係喎…罐頭都煮到咁難食，仲要煮到有煤氣味添；我邊有咁叻仔？

我問朋友：「喂，你聞下係咪有啲野？」

朋友聞下先跟住變臉：「我聞到有煤氣喎！」

嘩！啲野食又有野喇。唔知係巧合定係「極少數別有用心份子」既精心傑作？開埋另一罐 － 中國呀中國：

之前牛奶有三鹿，
家陣煤氣午餐肉，
祖國開餐勁中毒，
今次唔死算「負碌」。（「負碌」x 3）

又多多一款喇！咩牌子唔重要，反正都係你扮我我扮你……

咁下次食咩好呢？

At heights, with Lemon Grass in my hands and a view over PuDong, I look outside.

The Bund (外灘). It offers the most spectacular cityscape of Shanghai, and in one way reminds me of the Victoria Harbour (維多利亞港) in Hong Kong. At NanJingDongRoad (南京東路), the Oriental Pearl Tower (東方明珠塔) stands over at LuJiaZui (陸家嘴), accompanied by several skyscrapers that exist no where more than a decade ago. A few blocks ahead lies the very first hotel in Shanghai, the Peace Hotel (和平飯店), and down there a stretching lane for tourists to stroll.

Along the coastline, every building is classified as First-Class Heritage, and will probably remain then. History, testimonies of the past, now are banks and bars. Each of the buildings amounts to billions CNY. As I asked, the coastline buildings range from some millions to hundred millions per apartment CNY. Ummm.

The passers-by were mostly foreigners. Foreigners, yes, almost all. If you are afraid that you cannot get into the venue because you are a Chinese, here is the de facto solution : Respond in English or Cantonese “What?”, or Mandarin in heavy accent. I assure you it works great unless you are in doublets or shorts for guys.

Where I am now, are filled with rich history. Sitting here, my friends and I were enjoying our drinks and chatting over our past, and my latrine experience. We talk about everything, and the cityscape view beside. Disappointing for one fact, the lights in Shanghai go out at ten sharp, which is rather early for such a city. Next time I will come earlier. Then, I wonder, where should I go next? The other side overlooking this side?

I was shown not the best view tonight of Shanghai. But for a moment, I fell in love with this metropolis.

長年居住於港澳兩地的我，能操一口流利且生動有趣廣東話，既然遠渡而來上海，我家公司又特別多勤奮好學之士，曾長居東方拉斯維加斯，且不是甚麼 ABC ( American Born Chinese )，加上一點背景，我的港式廣話變成了公司友人間的一個標準，並自命為上海朋友間的廣東話傳教士，其實是聲音版的「認字特警」。

話說昨夜，我以及一名在加國長大的港人、還有一名廿多年居於米國的港人司機、與及他的廣州汕頭長大的女朋友，一行四人喝飽吃醉之後，除了駕車的司機，大家都因少量酒精變得更健談起來。四人之中，我的語彙應算是最為豐富及港式，能操最潮之語的人也就非我莫屬。

加國人：「嘩！好食好食！咁都係全世界一百幾廿蚊，抵到爛 [1]！」

女朋友：「無介紹錯呢！」

加國人：「無！仲要我地計埋六『瓶』啤酒！抵玩！」

我：「六『樽』、或者六『支』。」

加國人與女朋友齊道：「下？」

我：「廣東話係唔講六『瓶』，六『樽』、或者六『支』先岩[2]。寫出來先至係 [3] 六『瓶』！」

加國人：「哦！六樽！好！六樽！六支！」

所以，我也要努力自我增值，睇膠登加強潮語能力。

以上都是吳江路小吃街的點滴，現在再貼多一幅吳江路的小楊生煎，是來上海必吃的一家小吃，皮脆可口、肉香汁多。圖片僅剩下兩只，皆因太好吃，忘了拍照。可想而知，不可不吃！

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[1] - 「抵到爛 」為「很值得很便宜很划算」，譬方「三元十六件小籠包！抵到爛！」。「抵」先「值」的相約意思。

[2] - 「唔」為「不」的意思。「先」可以解為「才」。「岩」是「對」的意思。「先岩」＝「才對」。

[3] -  「先至係」為「才正是」的意思，譬方「他這種態度，先至係沒禮貌！」。

No, I did not see Snakes, Leopards or Tigers. Moreover, I have never seen a proper stratus sea, sunset, starry night, milky way, comets and sunrise.

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Stratus Sea

If the clouds are just sunlight shades, think again. Stand just below the clouds. Stand just above the clouds. Stand right into the clouds! Try it. Try it once, at least once. Then add it together with some hills and mountains peeking through, and then let the orange paint the rest of the picture. Feel it…

Sunset

“The sunset is most fabulous, yet the sky hits dusk.”, an old poem in Chinese. The setting sun is great, yet it does not last long. This makes it precious. Afterall, a forever setting sun is not that romantic. It is fabulous not only because it is spectacular, but that it lasts only brief moments. Get a home with a sunset…?

Starry Night

The inhabitants in Macau and Hong Kong are lucky in many ways. Yet, most of them do not have the slightest chance of a clear starry night with uncountable stars twinkling all night. I always mocked those poets and people who make shapes of the starry nights, which is something so abstract it is a fooling act. Here, I no longer see a clear picture of each single constellation, but a mixture of everything in a whole picture, lying on the grasslands. Now, I no longer feel wanting to mock the poets.

Milky Way

However, stars itself is not enough. If a dozen of stars makes a starry night for you, you have missed the river up the sky - The Milky Way. This mysterious river at night is only visible whilst light is at its minimum. Without the Milky Way, the starry night has just lacked its own background with a dull dark background, and leaving a horde of less distinguishable light bulbs up high. With it, the romance also slips in, completing the legendary picture for the average metropolitans. Show me the Milky Way in Macau and Hong Kong!

Comets

What could have made the milky-way backgrounded stars twinkling night better? Comet. Comets. Yes! I saw comets, not just a comet. Two makes a plural. I hope I can wish fast enough, but I definitely caught offguard. I wish…

Sunrise

The emerging warmth stops the shivering. A sky so beautiful, you can hardly find one in the cities in general. Just look at this sky painted in such warmth. Until then…

—

No, I did not see Snakes, Leopards or Tigers. But now I have seen a proper stratus sea, sunset, starry night, milky way, comets and sunrise. Onto something next!

( Courtesy of Zhe for the Sunrise and Stratus Sea, my camera out of memory. For the nightly visions, my camera is not the right tool. I really want to share to you all! )

The latrine stinks. If you feel bad about them, I can assure you that they are. With the latrine, you can almost associate it with a bucket or a hole, housed in a Chinese-style inn. What is your idea of a typical historic Chinese hillside inn?

I was hiking in WuGongShang (武功山) in JiangXi (江西) province last few days. It is not the worst place to be in, but certainly a challenge to my bottomline in hygiene standards for a vacation. I am especially bothered by the idea of having to use a latrine, which is stinky and dirty, but is prevalent in China. There is no escape. The usual clean sitting toilet is a rare occurrence in such places especially at the mountain top. As the trip lasts five days, the latrine is basically inevitable. Man, I will pay for a clean sitting toilet!

The first latrine I saw in ShenJiaDaiYuan inn (沈家大院) is a complete resemblance with those in movies. It is built with wooden planks and definitely has no electrical or automatic flushing capabilities, though its door is made of modern technology - a piece of plastic cloth. Well, that is all, and inside … a bucket of brown matter. I thought that falling off the abysmal hillside is a more pleasant experience than using this legendary facility.

The ShenJiaDaiYuan inn is built with, as you might have expected, bamboo sticks and wooden planks. The wind penetrates the gaps of the wall, and you can peek through the holes as well. The bed was hard as rock, and supplied with blankets that are never washed. Unlike in movies, it is so poorly furnished that the bed and a small cupboard are the only decoration available, and four people share a room. I think I just need a “Mr.Two” (店小二) ! [1]

The next inn called FayunJie (發雲界) that I lived in is even worse. It is a simple brick room with moldy walls, and then again supplied with bunk beds and blankets unwashed for some years. The wooden beds squeak like they are going to collapse right on top of me when I am asleep. The latrine this time is better, but I tried very hard to use only when necessary. *winks*

The food up there are just to fill the stomach in general. It is quite different from that of the Southern China cuisine - potatos and bell peppers cut in strips ( not French fries ) cooked together, and eggplant sliced in rings cooked with “something I do not know” are unseen styles in GuangDong. The taste is just barely for the mouth, but it is not the idea anyway. And that chicken running around costs CNY147! I thought I got robbed.

There is a Chinese saying that “You paid for suffering”. That is almost like what I was doing, but the whole trip is actually very rewarding despite the horrifying experience above, and I have not even talked about the moments of zen yet : the starry nights with clear milky way and the sun over the stratus clouds. There are so many things to explore than to have a staycation at home sometimes.

Lastly, a bonus photo of a sweet couple!

Far Away From Home - where do you want to go?

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[1] - 店小二. A generic term for the waiters in an inn in China in the old days.

“From Japan! From Japan!”, the salesman preaches.

Try randomly enter retail shops from the average commoners to the splurging ones, be it furniture or technology products, you will find a good number of them telling you it is made in elsewhere you know so you know its credibility, except China. That is all you need to know. The country name is enough to charm you into believing it is safe.

And “Made in China” means that you should avoid it, get away from it right now, and dump it right away!

As a Chinese, I can tell you it is kind of sad to hear that. Implicitly, even the locals know “Made in China” is a synonym of bad quality. The last time I was scouting for a house, I was preached repeatedly with tiles from Germany, taps from Sweden and air conditioners from Japan. I know some part of the house must be from China, but that certainly is not a point of interest, like affairs you would not want to mention of. “Made in China” has made itself a synonym of piracy and low-quality. Fabulous.

Why? Why such well known issues is unaddressed?

I am no good in this, but I guess corruption and culture. Corruption, well, we all know the government officials are good at getting cash, and cash hides a lot of things. Find a piece of newspaper and get the evidence, you should have no trouble picking a few. Culture, as my friend LP mentioned, why have not the CEO come out to apologize, instead of hiding and blaming other causes immediately without solid evidence? Because, Chinese culture, in chess terms, likes to trade a rook for a king, and, in idioms, “sacrifice the little for the grand”. That was rooted from the far old ancient history.

Sad but true. It will still be like that for a while. And, if you do not know, bonus for you, there are pirated pirate goods as well. Isn’t that incredible?